Mmm, fire. I start most of my sentences in my head with 'mmm' lately. Like, I am not quite sure of what I'm going to say, or like I know it will offend someone.



I have been productive today. Worked at Waterstones this morning - I love it. Had to make sure the correct books were stickered and facing forwards. Then came home and HAD A NAP. Dude, I'm nearly 23, alright. Edited photos, watched Pokémon, made grilled cheese and tomato french bread pizza (NUM), wrote my words for NaNo (I am roughly 5,000 words behind...hoping to make that up tonight a bit), updated my blog, did some Spanish and now it's now. That is a full day for me.



We watched Breakfast at Tiffany's last night and then I made this. The film is a lot more full of life than the book, though I think maybe I prefer Paris when it Sizzles which is just more surreal. I love the writer aspect though, and Paris!

I've been planning my trip to Spain next February and plotting my course through South America and hugging my globe. (It's inflatable.) I am LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING AWAY. In the meantime, I'm going to London on Thursday for LIVEstock and seeing Ciaran and Em and my little brother (all at different times), then Brighton on Saturday to meet vegans and see James. Then I am going home to Bristol for December the 6th which is when my Dad is doing Christmas since he's going to be in New Zealand otherwise.

OH. I finished reading The Science of Happiness and realised that maybe only having two friends in my town is detrimental to my happiness? I am anti-social, but I do like people, so I have been making an effort to befriend folk. It is a slow process and also, I get the impression I am a little bit scary when I MAKE an EFFORT. Still, went to a party where I thought the only person I knew was the guy who invited me, and it turned out he knows two girls I work with, plus a few other people I know, so I had a great time. And I met my mate Jack on the way and dragged him along to play wingman while I attempted to get in the host's pants. Mission failed but he is a good wingman. He should hire out his wingman skills. When I say 'people I know', I still don't mean friends. I wouldn't text any of these people solo to go to the pub. That is my AIM. I don't even have Jack's number, because he's my housemate's ex and although we all get along she is funny about that sort of thing. As would I be. Still, so. I am seeing some favourite people this week aaand uuuuhhh, there is lots to look forward to. I am going to befriend some people so hard.



xx

I interviewed this girl a couple of years ago for The Live Local. Now she has an album out next year, is touring with Little Boots and Florence and the Machine and has been on Jools Holland! What is going on! She is amazing and I'm going to try and see her with FLorence and the Machine on the 22nd no such luck. The next available gig of hers is first of December with Sound of Arrows and Wolfgang. Damn. Shame. Still! I am going to see her. And hopefully interview her. SHE IS AMAZING. Her voice is amazing. She's a pretty cool person, for all I've met her twice. I used to date a (close) friend of someone she used to date! In fact, I hit on him before his mate hit on me. Oooh. When she's properly famous I will DINE OUT on that anecdote. That and the fact I liked her before she was famous. Like, not even, when she only had her debut single out before she was famous, like, when she won Kent Uni's battle of the bands before she was famous. I really hope she becomes famous now, just for the second hand glory I can glean...

It is odd though, having interviewed her and chatted to her and now she might be becoming famous and I know that she CAN sing, CAN play the guitar, DOES write her own songs (fucking awesome lyrics she writes too) and IS authentic. There must be people who feel this way about Katy Perry? Anyway, wow. I hope her album does awesomely and she gets all sorts of musical recognition.

Oh fuck, the cargo gig is sold out too. GEEZ.

xx

Okay, so that's not fire, that's GLO POI.

Here's some fire -



My talented friends with FIRE. I like fire.

Spinning again tomorrow night for the town's fireworks do - though I'm not sure if there'll be any actual fireworks. SHAME. Hopefully there will be a fire though. Oh, and toffee apples are vegan! Score.

xx

WHO ELSE IS DOING NaNo?!

xx

I got me a job at Waterstones, so I did. UM, DISCOUNT BOOKS, YES. Gotta call them tomorrow for my hours, then go to my other job, then take photos for my other other job, then go to a quiz. Oh, but it's a hard life, I know.

I've decided to do NaNoWriMo this year. I've done it twice and won it once. I'm not starting from scratch though, I'm going to try and get my dissertation finished...I say finished. A REAL novel is 100's of 1000's of words long. Did you know? And as of yet, mine is 13,500. Pretty awesome actually, considering not a lot happens. Tonight I meant to do me some research and read Women and Marriage in Victorian Fiction but have ended up watching Sweeney Todd; which is practically the same thing. Have bought Ribena and crumpets in prep for the 1667 words a day. Let's do this thing!

I really want to go on an adventure again. Hopefully I can wangle a visit to Barcelona, but probably not until January, because of all the job thing. AHH! Except for a couple of day trips to London, I wont be doing any proper travel until January. Okay, well, I'll save some money then. Damn. Oh, and maybe another visit to Brighton. Fuck London and Brighton, they're the only places I go anymore. And Bristol. That's like the triumvirate of the coolest towns in the South. Yeah, I hate my life.

xx

Okay, I can't get to sleep, so you people have the pleasure of my company. I've been getting to be around 4 the past few nights, so naturally, I've trained myself to sleep at 4 in the ay em. I also work a whole THREE HOURS A DAY people. Epic.



I went to Brighton last weekend, to meet up with some folk from the PPK, who are generally awesome folk. We went to the George veggie pub for lunch and the Infinity Café for cake, then sat on the freezing beach to eat it. I had Oreo dipped in hot chocolate for the first time in along time - English oreos are not so vegan, but they had American oreos in Cybercandy, buy one get one free! Mmm, yes.



You can check out further photos from the event here, should you so wish. Most of the photos are from a shop called 'Snoopers' paradise' wherein unauthorised photos were not allowed. Ha.

Tuesday night, I went to a reading of my MA class and, gosh, some of the writing was...pointless. Jocelyn and Mary were really good, as I knew they would be. I love Mary's take on life, she had one poem called 'the man who shouts at trucks' which was funny. Jocelyn is writing a novel set...in the past. The characters and setting are both wonderfully realised though, concrete detail, just enough character development and intrigue...I think she's got what it takes to get published, since she also seems intent on finishing the thing. The others though...all that stands out is the several poems about tea. Descriptions of tea. Lists of tea. Nothing new said about tea. Clichés, descriptions, lists, angsty rants (i kid you not). I'm all for people writing. I think everyone should write about everything. I also think that words should say something. People definitely need to say what they mean, not what they think will get them a good mark, or sounds good or pretty. SAY WHAT YOU SEE. Say what you want the reader to see, what you FEEL about what you're writing, not what you think they want to hear. Write for YOU, not for them.

I think all great writing should either be entertaining, or evoke higher feeling. Aren't those the two things that hit the bestseller lists over and over? BOTH is a feat.

I got my dissertation results and comments in the post today, and the second marker, who has never met me, commented "It seems odd, at first, that Wells should want to pastiche Victorian fiction". That made I laff before I went to my gruelling three hour shift today.

Handed CVs in at Boho and Waterstones, so FINGERS CROSSED. I am clearly pretentious enough to work in either of those venues, and hopefully that will shine through.



If anyone wants to read an interview I did with a vegan bellydancer, they should click here. If anyone wants to read more about Brighton, they should click here.
And if anyone wants to read about abandoned bunkers being turned into eco-hostels, they should click here because the whole idea is awesome, but one of the pictures is wonderful. Also, I recently discovered, and like, this guy because he is trying to be green and educate others about the whole embargo, but he does it without seeming like a 'better than you' environmentalist. I can't seem to write about it without getting very 'WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ANYTHING?!?!' rant rant, annoyed - so I'm admiring of people who can write about it and keep their cool. Hai guys, have you considered this? rather than 'DO THIS, IT SAVES THE WORLD. DUH.' which is how I seem to come across. HO HUM.

xx

i am a lot more comfortable nowadays that i do very little day to day. i can get about one or two 'big' things done in a day. i work at least three hours for money every day, because i scored a fucking sweet job. yesterday i managed to write my cv (while i was at work. i then used the printers at work to print it, and the staplers at work to staple it. this amused me greatly) and go see Up - which is awesome! Really cute. Everyone I went with cried ALL THE WAY THROUGH. The beginning is really sweet. Be prepared for some sniffling when you go see it. Today I worked a whole six hours (gosh!), did some online banking and write a couple of articles for my blog. i meant to write up interview questions for the vegan comedian i'm interviewing, but i failed. really need to do that tomorrow though. i still haven't made my stew or crispy cakes. these are both things i'm about to do. then tomorrow morning i'm off to hand my cv in to places in town. i didn't do any Spanish today, either. GEEZ.

i could do some Spanish now, actually, while the stew stews. I just feel self-conscious about talking to myself...i can't pronounce the Spanish 'j' either, I keep making it sound like a French 'r'. Hopefully I can learn to do both, rather than replace one with the other. that would be incredibly annoying. I'm not sure why I'm worried that might happen...OKAY.

Also, if anyone cares about my thoughts on evironmentalism, I wrote an article on C.A.P about it here which covers how I think about being vegan, reducing consumption, the state of the world and how I totally think I'm better than everyone else because I don't eat dairy and you're all going to hell.

i'd really like to stop talking about being vegan now. i do it. it gets done. i think it's for a good cause. i might just make up a fact sheet to pass out to people who ask me why i'm refusing their kind offer of a glass of milk. or stickers. index cards?

i watched Hackers today. Now THERE is a quality film.

xx

Today, I have learned, that I am an angry person.

Actually, I've always been angry. First to throw my toys out of the pram, and my brother down the stairs. First to beat up the boys at school, and scream at my Mum at home. First to throw my printer down the stairs and the toaster into the pile of wood at the bottom of our garden. (That last one happened today, and also fixed the toaster. It's not all bad.)

Today I'm angry at people. All those people who don't don't don't do ANYTHING.

I feel like I'm not doing enough. Who am I kidding, of course I'm not doing enough. I want to do more. I want other people to do more.

When chatting with people about being vegan, they tend to say things like 'I could never give up bacon' or 'I could never give up cheese'.

O-ookay.

You know what? I didn't ask.

Considering that my reasons for being vegan are almost purely environmental (17% of greenhouses gases are emitted by agribusiness. Give or take.) then what they've actually just said to me is 'My need for a certain taste sensation is more important to me than the planet upon which we live, than the rainforests which provide us with oxygen, than clean air and clean water, than indigenous peoples getting to keep their land and homes...'

So, then I get angry. And rant about it on the internet, because I'm pretty aware that shouting at people to give up meat and dairy ain't gonna change nuthin. So I don't. I just continue not eating meat, and not eating dairy, and telling the people who ask why I don't. I don't ask them if they think they could give up meat or dairy. Nobody asked me to. I just did. When I discovered the above facts. For me, that was enough.

I do think that being vegan is one of the EASIEST things you can do to make a change. It's not even DOING, it's ANTI-doing. You DON'T eat meat or dairy. You don't have to lug your arse to the local homeless shelter and dole out soup, you don't have to fork out £3 a month to the WWF for a penguin (which I am totally going to do soon, man, I want a penguin). It costs NOTHING, it takes NO EFFORT. And it saves human and animals lives.

This is why it makes me angry. Here's an issue. Here's a way to take a stand on that issue which is so, hilariously, easy. Here are people not doing anything about it whatsoever.



Here is me, plotting to take over the world and turn it into a vegan utopia...

xx

ps. these pics are from The Magpie in Stokes Croft in Bristol. It's an arty squat. More are at The Casual Art of Procrastination.

So, I got back from Corsica last Saturday.



It's pretty fucking beautiful there.

I wrote some stuff about it at Travelling Vegan.

I am freaking out about my blogging thing. I used to worry about this thing absolutely shit-loads as well. (I also argue with people in my head when I walk around. Fucking tiring and pointless.) I am firmly decided not to check my stats on either website, just to write because I want to. Unfortunately, I realised that means I won't be able to find out where anyone's found my site from and that sort of thing, because that's on the same page as the numbers. Maybe...maybe I should learn to get the fuck over worrying how many people read my fucking blog? Hmm. Yeah. Maybe.

Too much anger. Let's have another pretty picture.



Since getting back from Corsica, I have been to work pretty much every day since Tuesday. (Wow.) Sometimes I only work three hours a day, like tomorrow. Well, it's a hard life, but somebody has to live it. I should really keep looking for a second job. Still.

My life is now...working, blogging, reading, baking...I still haven't started learning Spanish. Definitely going to do it tomorrow afternoon. Before my bath. Then I can decline some verbage in the tub. Yup.

I am torn between being more organised and letting the day flow around me. I really like having my lists, and they obviously help to remember what I need to do that day...but I always feel like I'm not doing enough. When I let the day flow more (still turning up for work on time though) I feel like I did all I could do and I don't stress quite as much.

All I want to do this year is whatever I need to do to go to Peru. This is a) raise the cash, b) learn the language. There is a c) get paid while i'm over there for writing about it, which involves d) writing blogs now so i get well known for the writing thing and can build up a portfolio and maybe write for other people too at the moment....And I think that is why I am freaking out so much about my blogging. I want them to be read. If people read them, that means they're worthwhile and that means that someone might pay me to write for them. Or pay me to write. If NO-ONE reads them, obviously that means they're worthless and I've spent a whole heap of time on something no-one cares about.

I'm not supposed to think like that. I'm supposed to be one of those people who doesn't care about other opinions. I think I probably think more about what other people are thinking of me, of themselves, of each other, than ANYONE ELSE I KNOW. I need to chill the fuck out over other people's opinions. Although, I rarely change what I want to do based on other people's opinions, I just obsess over what they might be. I want to write these fucking blogs so I'm going to keep on doing it...I just worry.

Time for another photo.



I'm the one in charge of how my life goes, anyhow. I want to go to Peru. I want to get paid to write. There are various babysteps I need to take towards those things. I know what they are, mostly, so...it's just taking them. Doing the work and hopefully, reaping the reward. I guess it's the school mentality coming back. I never used to work hard in school. I always got good results anyway and I worried that if I worked hard, my results wouldn't go up. Then I would have put in loads of work, and not got anything out of it.

That's very backwards thinking. How does someone even come up with that? I'm smart, so maybe if I work hard, I'll keep getting the same results! Least logical thing ever. I should probably stop waffling here now, and go make crispy cakes.

Tomorrow on The Casual Art of Procrastination, my favourite Borges quotes from Labyrinths.

Why yes, I do use livejournal to shameless self-promote both my blogs now. Better than when I was whining over Colin though, hey?

xx

I was searching for my Iceland photos on-line today, to put them in a post over at The Casual Art of Procrastination and ended up at my old livejournal which is also headed 'The Casual Art of Procrastination'! I'd completely forgotten that it wasn't 'blackedink' I've been writing in all this time.

I didn't find the Iceland photos, which is a damn shame because they are awesome. I'll have to look for them when I go home on Saturday, but I re-read some of my posts from 2004/5 and I have not changed. It's weird to read my thoughts, but on some level I was a very clued-in 18 year old. I knew that I wanted to be a writer, and I knew that 'I' was all I could be.

Between being 18 and now, I let my sense of self flounder, I let myself get upset by people, I let my self-worth be affected by how I felt people had treated me. I think perhaps I have changed in a couple of ways.

I definitely have more love and less resentment towards my parents nowadays. Oh, and my lil brother.

I am more self-analytical. Instead of rambling and spewing and vomiting about how I feel I now analyse myself, which enables me to overcome the bad stuff a bit faster.

Is speed of the essence? When it's between spending the better part of a year getting over someone (And wasting so much time, energy, effort and emotion in doing so) or the better part of a month...and still feel mentally stable, rather than brushing it under the rug, I choose the month long option please. KTHXBAI.

It's hilarious to read it back and see how I go from bitter, weeping, upset, ANGRY, SAD, to HIGH AS A FUCKING KITE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE AWESOME. Yeah, some of the posts are along the middle ground. Reading words from...nearly five years ago is fairly enlightening.

Five years ago I was in love, and now I'm in love again and it hurts just as much, but I'm coping with it a lot better. The situation is very similar in a lot of ways (um, the part where they don't love me back is a hooooge bummer) but...I'm not letting it become the MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life to the detriment of my mental health, happiness or...job. I can't stay studies anymore. I have no studies. For the first time in 19 years, I have no studies.

I could have got my Spanish on tonight, didn't. Might make cookies and have a bath.

YES.

xx

They put my work on teh internetz again.

I rock, huh?

Today at work was brilliant as well. There were a couple of 'first' day type people working, and they kept asking me for answers, which was nothing short of amusing. One of the guys in the SBS office...fluffed an enquiry which I fixed. I just like feeling superior. Who knew?

I haven't managed to get started with my Spanish. Grr, argh. I'm working 11-7 tomorrow, without a break, apparently. Should be great fun. Only three hours each Thur/Fri, so should have time then to try it.

I keep having stressful dreams again, which usually means I'm dehydrated. I hate having stressful dreams. Starting the day stressed for imaginary reasons is less fun than you might think.

Lia is back on Friday! I leave on Saturday though, so I have to get as much out of her as possible before she goes back to France for another month. Then I shan't see her 'til Hallowe'en.

Meanwhile, I need to fucking eat. I've been living off crispy cakes for days, although I did eat real meals at regular times for about two days last week. GO ME.

xx

I just finished writing a piece about Tipping Point for Amelia's Magazine and apparently I'm a pretty angry person. SHIT NEEDS TO BE DONE MAN. LET'S STOP WASTING THE EARTH'S RESOURCES. GAWD.

I'm not kidding though. Turn those lights off. Don't let those taps drip. Re-use plastic bags. Start a swap-shop. Write to your local MP about Early Day Motion 845. In the immortal words of Britney Spears, 'Why don't you do something?'

Or, DON'T do something. I went into a rant over here about not wasting resources. It began as a musing on living in the Western world yet hating Western consumerism. Same same but different.

OH. Working at the library is working out awesome. Apparently I am really bad at being inactive, and I love being busy. Who knew? Need me to configure your wireless connection? Want to know where the printers are? Having trouble buying printer credits? Need a book? COME TO ME. I WILL AID YOU IN YOUR STRUGGLE. Ha. I love my job.

Writing writing working eating working walking reading reading cooking eating writing reading writing sleeping.

So go my days lately. I guess there is more walking. And some cycling sometimes too.

I have work every day this week, then I go to Corsica on Sunday. Fuckin-A.

xx

This morning, I am mostly fucking around on Poladroid which is one of the most awesome inventions ever. And once The Impossible Project sorts themselves out, then we'll have real Polaroid film for 'cheap' again! Woop.

I had a great time at work yesterday. I pretty much did everything I was afraid of doing. I messed up almost all my enquiries, took too long with them, gave out the wrong information, had to ask for help with almost all of them and generally wasted time. This afternoon I should be quicker, since I oughta remember everything I learned yesterday. Everyone I work with is rilly cool though, and Kirsty'll be up there tomorrow as well. I have made TWO friends. And by friends, I mean people that will chat to me. As well as Nathan, but I've known him on and off for the past couple of years. I have NO IDEA if he remembers me, so we could both be playing that 'I'm not going to mention the part where I generally ignored you around campus' game.

This Poladroid thing is addictive. Last time I downloaded it, it stopped working after a while, oh noes, so now I'm polaroiding while the going's good.

Life is pretty much ticking along. I'm heading back to Bristol next Saturday, then Corsica on Sunday! Excited. I get to chill out in the sunshine avec ma famille and when I come back you can be sure there will be many a polaroid to mark the occasion. I plan to read a lot a lot of books and try to eat vegan as much as possible, then write about how vegan friendly Corsica is. Because that's pretty much what I do with my life lately. Eat vegan and write about it. I'm also currently downloading 2gigs of the grateful dead, because I don't know which album the songs I like are on. And I could do with a little musical education.

Here's a pretty picture to end with:



Also, if anyone wants to write for Throwaway Literature, any submissions are greatly appreciated. I'm letting it slide for the moment for various reasons. Themes are eco-awareness and all we can do to facilitate preventing global warming (and I go on about being vegan), travel and, uh, other interesting stuff. Comment here or email throwawayliterature at hotmail dot co dot uk. Yup.

xx

John Grisham

When he first started writing, Grisham says, he had "these little rituals that were silly and brutal but very important."

"The alarm clock would go off at 5, and I'd jump in the shower. My office was 5 minutes away. And I had to be at my desk, at my office, with the first cup of coffee, a legal pad and write the first word at 5:30, five days a week."

His goal: to write a page every day. Sometimes that would take 10 minutes, sometimes an hour; ofttimes he would write for two hours before he had to turn to his job as a lawyer, which he never especially enjoyed. In the Mississippi Legislature, there were "enormous amounts of wasted time" that would give him the opportunity to write.

"So I was very disciplined about it," he says, then quickly concedes he doesn't have such discipline now: "I don't have to."

San Francisco Chronicle, Feb. 5, 2008

From Daily Routines"

I am a control freak, with no visible routine. Lately, I've decided to let the day flow organically around me (whilst still going to work at certain times) and see what comes of that. Basically, to not worry about what time things get done, and how much time things are taking to do. I've decided to view work as something I do in my spare time, and my writing as my 'real' work.

I have been getting frustrated with my library job. At first, and in the interview, I told them I loved to learn, and I wanted a job that would stretch my mindbanks. Now, I realise, that everything I'm learning is relevant only to the job. I'm filling up my mind with information which is amazingly useful if you're lost in the library, but it's not philosophy, it's not psychology, it's not Spanish, or any of the other things I want to study this year.

It's Fresher's Week next week and it's going to be busy. I'm worried that a hundred people will ask me a thousand questions I don't know. This seemed like a huge deal the other day. It goes up and down in my estimations of being something I worry about hugely. I'm sure if I was actively bad at my job, someone would have told me by now.

I didn't get the job in the Waterstones café and it made me realise just how much I had wanted it. I know where I am with coffee machines and sandwiches. Everything I'm saying is so totally against my supposed ethos! Do things which scare you, learn stuff, put yourself in tricky situations. But then, is there any point in doing a job which stresses you out to no other reward than monetary gain? We'll just have to see how stressed I really do get about this job. (It's not that bad, no-one's life is under my knife.)

Check around the internet for my writings by the way :)

I wroted this and this. Yep, same event, different websites. Next up, I've done an interview with a vegan belly dancer for SaveAScream and I'm writing about the info-eco-swap-shop Tipping Point for Amelia's Magazine. It's a little bit awkward to write for a magazine called Amelia's magazine and be called Amelia. Pretty awesome though.

SO! I am up and down faster than a yo-yo these days, partly facilitated by Stephen being in Spain and him not coming back for the forseeable future. Damn. I keep going on about that over here, actually. I'm trying to work through my feelings and learn from them and stuff, but sometimes I want to curl into a ball and eat shitloads of dark chocolate and watch crappy films and cry about it.

We watched I could never be your woman last night actually, with Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfifferfereferefer and, like, a million cameos. That chick from Coupling, that guy from Peep Show, Graham Norton (loads of random English peeps!), the other girl from Clueless, and that kid from that show with the thing...It was really funny as well. Mother Nature kicks it off with a massive rant about how humans are messing with her plans. Score one for the big M-N. Haha. Then we watched Princess Mononoke, so it was a bit of an anti-capitalism day for us, what with the visit to Tipping Point as well.

I guess that about wraps it up.

xx

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion." -Kerouac

Hai guys,

Maybe I should come here more, huh?

I've been pretty busy lately, what with handing in my dissertation last Tuesday and job-hunting, and going to Amsterdam and celebrating.

I wrote about Amsterdam here and here. I quite like it there. I think this trip was pretty much the best time I've ever had there though. We camped, and it was warm and sunny, except for when it rained. I smoked Nepalese hash, which is amazing stuff. Unlike other kinds of hash, Nepalese chills you out, then gears you up. Stephen and I were sat on a wooden jetty at night, watching some guys breakdance outside the Theatre, smoking Nepalese, chilling out. Then bam, I wanted to walk. He wanted to walk. So we walked and explored. Then we rolled another joint, and chilled out...repeat. Having already done quite a few of the museums and landmarks meant I wasn't worrying about making it 'worth it' either, which I tend to do when I travel. Old habits die hard. (Damn my stepfather.)

Now...I have no academic structure to my life. None. After being in education since the age of 3 (when I learnt to read, and went to Toddler groups)...I have nothing. That's 19 years of learnin'. What now, world?! Well, I still have access to the Uni library, thanks to my wonderful part-time job there, so I can get out all the books on philosophy and psychology I want (my next two passions.) I'm thinking of starting an Open University course in them, but it's quite a bit of cash, and I'm saving for Peru. PERU. I need to learn Spanish this year.

Currently I'm reading Narrative by Paul Cobley, and I plan to read so much non-fiction this year. I want to learn more about...everything? Philosophy, psychology, anarchy, socialism, Spanish...and then I plan to become a socialist philosopher king in South America...Right. Yes. That's my career plan sorted then. Awesome.

I'm trying to create my own academic structure, and hopefully that'll be a helluva lot easier in the winter, where I'll be happy to sit inside at my desk while the wind blows gales outside, learning Spanish and reading Sartre (coz he's my homeboy, we have the same ideas about stuff).

I have to stop waiting for me to start things though! There's a lot I could be doing now. Aside from updating livejournal out of boredom...I'm going to write up a review of the London Vegan Festival for Throwaway Literature and cycle to Staples for stationery. I could reorganise my desk so that my notebooks and folders are actually on it, rather than scattered across the floor. I could also eat. I've already been to PC World today to get my baby laptop fixed.

There is a lot, a lot I want to do. And it WILL GET DONE. Just, baby steps. Don't let oneself get overwhelmed by the end result, but break it down into bit by bit process and then, suddenly, almost by sheer chance, I'll find myself in Peru, creating an artist's retreat and jambling up to Macchu Picchu on the weekends. OH YES.

Right.
Dinner.
Nom.

xx

Maybe I'm trying to do a lot all in one go, or maybe I'm just rubbish at coping with things.
The only, really important, deadline-d thing I have to do is complete my dissertation by the 1st of September.

Considering that I have enough words, they just need to be edited, I'm not doing that badly. That's just less than two weeks to trawl through 12,000 words and make sure they're up to scratch.

Of course, I'm going to Amsterdam on Sunday night, until Thursday morning (and then I have work that afternoon, oh noes!) which reduces my editing time.

Last week I spent in a...haze with the new boy, which ended with me shouting at him outside Curry's because I didn't have my bankcard on me. Getting with someone else so soon, even though I'm over Ciaran, was definitely not a good idea. Like having a baby, or getting a tattoo, you need to wait more than a couple of months before you think...pain, what pain? See what beautiful thing I have/had, that could happen again! At the moment, I'm still in 'What if it all ends badly (again)' land. Is no fun.

So I did that.

I've also been freaking out over the whole online magazine thing. Did you know that there are INCREDIBLE amounts of people who blog and write and write online and blog and all that. What with having no easy access to the internet, and not utilising to its fullest extents when I did have it, I had no idea about any of this. But now I do. And I still want to start one. Well, I have started one. I still want to make a go of it. I just have to get over the idea that I'm 'competing' for readers. There are plenty of people, with plenty of interests, who have plenty of time to read plenty of blogs. Mine doesn't have to be BEST. In fact, the eZine idea is more to have a portfolio in case/for when I go into freelance journalism. Which sounds all kinds of logical. But doesn't stop me freaking out about the masses and masses of blogs and eZines out there. Geez, I am one tiny drop in a fawking enourmous ocean. Anyway.

I'm thinking that last two weeks of my MA dissertation isn't the time to be worrying about whether my on-line life is a good/bad idea. It's more important, qualification-wise, that I get that MA. That completely useless Master's degree in Creative Writing. I also have eleven years of experience in the workplace, did you know? And am currently running three jobs. Apparently I'm also the one in charge of sorting out housemates/bills/internet. OH GOD. I feel slightly overwhelmed. So that's why I'm here, wasting time reading blogs which only further my freaking out. The library bell just rang, so I oughta go...(Despite setting up the internet PERFECTLY in my house, BOTH my laptops decided they would have no truck whatsoever with actually connecting to the damn router. Leaving me internetless. Once more. And the tiny flashing green light mockingly winks at me every morning...Angry.)

xx

I love the internet?

Tree root Bridges!

I'm going to Amsterdam at the end of the month, woop!, and am totally going to the Kosmopolite Art Tour, three graffiti troupes coming together in Amsterdam, Brussels and Bagnolet to spread arrrt. We get there the day after the live mural painting, goddamit, but I'm gonna drag everyone to the exhibition.

Laying off the eZine thing for a while, what with getting this dissertation finished in the next week and half. Two thousand words more to write, then edit edit edit. I'm currently being distracted by two parties this week, a boy, looking into art and vegan places in Amsterdam and applying for job upon job. Funfun!

xx

There's leaves in my house.

My Mother ate vegan food. This may well be the most supportive thing she's ever done for me in my entire life. Also, I don't think she knew that it was, or I am, vegan.

My step-dad got drunk at Fromage en Feu (Awesome gyspsy folk punk band) and we discussed whether my step-brother is gay or not. Apparently...he's not. He's mentioned children. Apparently, my Grandma worried that me and Dave, the above mentioned, might get together. Well, he isn't unattractive.

Went to see my other Grandma, and told her all about my website and my career plans, and travelling and being vegan. She told me all about her gardeners, and going to Wimbledon (centre court! She got to see Federa play! and she got a hat! These are not sarcastic !!!, she's really chuffed. And she said chuffed. I love my Gran.) and my cousins. I stayed for over two hours and ate chocolate hobnobs. So maybe she has a skewed version of veganism. Oops.

Hung out with my Dad today and mocked the news. Monsieur Sarkozy fell over while running.
News: 'After a busy month attending the G8 summit, a concert where his wife performed and [something in Paris]...'
Me and my Pa: 'Geez, what a chore. Suprised the man hasn't fallen over with fatigue by now.'
News: 'President Sarkozy, known as Sporty or Speedy Sarkozy, has fallen over while exercising.'
Me: '...'
Pa: 'So now he'll be Sick Sarkozy. Hahaha.'
Me: '...Is this really news?'
News: 'He is in hospital, where we assume his wife is visiting him.'
Me: 'Wife visits husband. Maybe.'

I should probably just stop watching teevee.

We did watch the MotoGP though, which was awesome! Motobike racing beats those Formula One pussies into the ground. Three guys flew off, one got back on (dropped from first to eleventh then made it up to fifth), the Ducati's had rain tyres on and it was only drizzling...excitement! Tactics! Speedy bikes!

I'm about to have a bath and read A Darkness at Sethanon. I should have written some of my dissertation, instead I updated my website aaaand uuummmm messed around with Paypal. It needs my card AND my bank details now? Although, apparently it's going to give me money. Schweet?

xx

Hai guys.

I've been writing here lately. So go to the Haphazard Collective and check it out.

Kthxbai.

xx